How to develop mental toughness

Mental toughness, or resilience, is the key to peformance, behaviour and wellbeing. It is defined as a state (which can be learnt), rather than a trait (inherent in personality) and is embodied by people who seek challenges,create change, dislike routine, and like problem solving.

Mental sensitivity is the opposite of mental toughness: it means you let things get to you. Mentally tough people DON'T, adversity happens and they remain calm: instead of getting stirred up they are inspired to achieve despite setbacks.

When it comes to mental toughness, men and women are equally tough. And it can be learnt. You can develop mental toughness: NLP is a powerful tool, as is YogaNidra.

Mental toughness when combined with emotional intelligence leads to wise resilience - which i think is essential for every leader. If you want to get to the top, get mentally tough: one common thing is top people are all mentally tough. The higher position they hold the more mentally tough they are.

The components of mental toughness are commitment, control, challenge, confidence.

Commitment refers to being energised by goals and challenges and ’staying power’.

Then there is control over one’s emotions and one’s life (self efficacy).

People who seek challenges create change, dislike routine, and like problem solving. They actually seek out difficult challenges because it energises them.

Finally confidence has an external and internsl dimension: self belief and interpersonal confidence.

Mental toughness can be developed through the following six aspects

1. Thinking skills
2. Visualisation and mental rehearsal
3. Control of anxiety – fretting can tax the body and promote cardiovascular problems.worry elevates heart rate and lowers HRV. Learn to let go
4. Attention control – my friends tell me that my 30 min YogaNidra sessions give them-stamina, energy and focused performance.
6. Biofeedback – for example, heart waves entrain brain waves; physiologically the heart is a regulator of the ‘bodymind’ system, it entrains the system to coherence.

Opening the doors of perception with Yoga nidra

Have you ever fancied achieving a blissful state of altered consciousness without having to rely on a trip of the chemical kind? Do you want to expand the capacity of your mind? Learn without effort? Reduce your inhibitions and improve your memory? Did you know that you can reach this altered state of consciousness and achieve all this by simply lying down for 20 mins?


The literal translation of Yoga nidra is 'yogic sleep'. Yoga Nidra is an ancient tantric method which can open new capacities of mind. It relates to a deep sleep state where the mind is deeply relaxed but with a wide open awareness and it is one of the deepest of all meditations, and brings an incredible calmness, quietness and clarity.

Yoga Nidra is a practice which leads awareness through many levels of mental process to a state of supreme stillness, receptivity and insight. Like all yoga practices it is the persistant practise that brings about real transformation and joy. It can be considered a form of meditation. However, in meditation you remain in the waking state of consciousness and gently focus the mind whilst allowing thought patterns, emotions and sensations to come and go. In comparison, in Yoga Nidra you leave the waking state, go beyond the dreaming state into a state similar to deep sleep, whilst remaining awake. It is a very powerful state for your brain to be in!

Yoga nidra is typically led by a qualified and trained teacher and lasts 15 mins to half an hour. You lie on the floor your back or, for some practices, sit in a meditation posture. And mentally follow the instructions that you teacher talks you through.

The practice induces brain waves that are predominantly delta (0.5 to 3.5 cycles per sec): the state of deep stillness and profound openess. When you first try yoga nidra you will experience the profound relaxation that the practice brings about. And you will almost certainly fall asleep! In fact, if you suffer from disturbed sleep patterns yoga nidra is a great way to balance and restore sleep patterns. However, at some point your practice will deepen and you will experience a moment, like a flash, where you experience the breathtaking depths of yoga nidra.

As in many yoga practices, you need to be patient. There is no right or wrong. If you fall asleep that is fine: and probably what you need at that time! Whilst this is not the ultimate state that yoga nidra aims for, it is certainly of benefit to mental and physical health and encourages the brain to slow down from its active aroused beta state (14 to 30 cycles per sec) to a calmer alpha wave range (8 to 13 cps).

The methods that take you up the ultimate yoga nidra state are, in themselves, very relaxing and help to train the mind. Common methods include:

1. progressive relaxation
2. body awareness
3. rotation of consciousness
4. summoning of emotions and states
5. control of physical states
6. visualisation
7. chakra work
8. breath awareness
9. sankalpas (affirmations) - a powerful method of reshaping your personality and experience of the world for the better

The term 'yoga nidra' actually refers to the state of consciousness that is achieved in the ultimate practice of the technique but it is often used erroneously to refer to the various methods listed above. It is the end state not the method that is eponymous.

The overall benefits of yoga nidra include:

• total relaxation of all systems of the body
• nervous and hormonal system efficiency
• enhanced health
• the ultimate way to de-stress (yoga nidra is HUGELY beneficial for the alleviation of stress)
• elminate insomnia
• mental and emotional relaxation

Educational innovators such as Dr Georgi Lozanov, a Bulgarian psychologist and the founder-director of the institute of Suggestopedy in Sofia, are now utilizing yoga nidra to create an atmosphere in which knowledge is gained without effort. Dr Georgi Lozanov, recognizing that the state of active and relaxed awareness in students awakens the desire to learn, improves memory and reduces inhibition, has devised methods for teaching/learning of foreign languages that are three to five times faster, with the use of relaxation and music. As the class proceeds, the students effortlessly assimilate an enormous amount of knowledge, which, under conventional classroom conditions, would surely precipitate strain, tiredness and loss of concentration.

Yoga nidra is being tapped internationally as a means of improving conscious recall thereby increasing memory function. Yoga nidra is a promising technique that will revolutionize the teaching procedures in the future by enabling students to assimilate knowledge without much effort. There are students who want to learn, but their conscious mind is weak or unreceptive. Such children with learning disabilities can benefit from yoga nidra by absorbing knowledge through the subconscious mind. Such children can be taught by transmitting symbolic forms directly into his subconscious.

Yoga Nidra has also been scientifically proven to reduce the 'psychosomatic' illnesses caused by the general under currents of tension that we live with:

• diabetes
• migraines
• asthma
• ulcers
• digestive problems

Yoga nidra will help you reach a deep state of releasing, relaxing and letting go: but really its bigger benefit is an emptying of oneself into wonder.

Sue Tupling of Embodied Living is qualified to teach and practice yoga nidra and is currently in training to teach the full practice.

More reading on Yoga Nidra

1. Yoga nidra on Wikipedia

Decisions that are truly exhausting

Have you ever realised what a rabid monkey your brain is? Running amok wild and crazy through the branches of the trees in your mind. Have you ever been still enough to realise what tricks it gets up to and what considerable energy it uses. Constantly commenting on this or that. Putting interpretations on things, making judgements - good or bad, right or wrong, like or dislike, nice or nasty, etc etc.

This constant need to comment, to judge is the default operation of our minds. It gives us a way to make sense of the world, gives us an illusion of control. However, when the mind has become still; when its fluctations and disturbances have ceased and the waves of activity have become still like a windless still sea, its natural tendency is to observe. To remain a dispassionate observer - a witness consciousness. This is a mind that, when something happens externally that might provoke a reaction of extreme pleasure or displeasure in someone else, says "We'll wait and see". It is a state of mind that is simply not interested in deciding 'this or that' but is content to 'be'.

Far from being a way to disconnect from the world, or dissociate ourselves from feelings; it is a way of living deeper , more embodied with our whole self and with far more energy and health. There is a lovely zen story to illustrate this:

There once was an old farmer, who lived in a remote region of the mainland, where the terrain is rough and the villagers manage to eek out a meager existence only through hard work and the grace of God. One day someone left the gate open on the farmer's pasture, and his only horse ran away. Now this was a very grave situation, indeed, as in these parts it is said that one horse is worth ten sons or the earnings of a lifetime. The villagers, hearing of this great loss, came to console the farmer. With pity in their eyes of those who are glad it did not happen to them, the villagers shook their heads and moaned in unison that the running off of a horse is a terrible thing. The farmer, who was very wise, accepted their consolations, and shaking his head, muttered calmly, "We'll just wait and see."

Within a week the horse had returned, bringing with it three wild ponies of such magnificence only heard of in the ancient fables. The villagers all came to witness and marvel at these wondrous creatures, and some brought gifts in the hope of incurring favor as now the farmer was a very rich man. With envy in their eyes, the villagers applauded the farmer for his good fortune. But the farmer appeared unmoved, and showing neither pride nor excitement, accepted their blessings, stating calmly, "We'll just wait and see."

Three days later, after the villagers had gone home, the farmer's only son was out breaking in the new ponies. But their magnificence was matched by an unexpected strength, and the second pony threw and trampled the farmer's son, leaving him near dead with two broken legs. There were tears in the old peasant's eyes as he carried his child off the field. The son survived the critical period, and his bones were set, but as the villagers gathered to hear the news and lend support, the doctor could not pronounce if the son would ever walk again. With eyes like smug rodents whose faith in themselves is confirmed when ill fortune attends to a lucky man, the villagers shook their heads, lamenting what a tragedy had occurred for the farmer, who now had a cripple for a son. The old farmer thanked them for their concern and condolences, calmly saying, "We'll just wait and see."

The farmer's son did begin to recuperate, but it took a long time. The farmer was now poorer than ever, as he had no son to accompany him in the fields, and no one wanted to buy the ponies because they were afraid. Yet, by the help of occasional gifts and his own labor, he managed to gather just enough to feed his family, always giving the best of whatever he had to his son to encourage his recuperation. During this time the other villagers flourished as much as poor villagers can, and as those who are better off are wont to do, they were generous with their sympathy for the farmer for having a crippled child.

For no reason that had anything to do with the village, the king from his palace far off in the capital city declared war on a neighboring country. That was how it came to be that in the spring, just as the old farmer's son was taking his first steps, the government officials appeared with orders to conscript all the able-bodied young men into the army. The only son in the entire village who was not drafted was the old farmer's.

"How lucky you are, old man! We are sending our children, our very seed off to war, probably to die," one or another of the villagers yelled out as they bade farewell to their departing sons. Full of tears, their eyes showed no particular emotion toward the farmer, so overcome were they with their own grief.
The farmer watched the leave-taking, and his heart went out to the villagers as he was a kind and compassionate man. So, he answered softly, "We'll just wait and see."

One of the main ways in which we can start to regain some order and peace over the crazy monkey of the mind is through meditation. However even simple sitting is hard for many beginners as the mind is so busy. So a though record diary can be a real help to at least make you aware of what the mind is up to. This simple daily chart will allow you to monitor and track your 'ticker-tape' thoughts and is the first step in regaining control of the mind (the final aim being that you can 'let go' and let the 'embodied mind' just 'be' - but there is some work to be done before that can happen. It's a lovely process though!

Next post will be on the subject of Yoga Nidra - another way to still and deepen the mind's peace.

Related posts:

• Let go and Improve your Relationships
• Be Less Attached

Relax and You'll Perform Better

I recently did an analytical modeling project on a friend of mine who is an international speaker /trainer with a talent for running successful seminars. The technique that I use in my modeling of human 'excellence' elicits the person's experience, behaviour, beliefs, strategies and emotions as they do the exemplary behaviour.


In this high performance state, my friend has a clear 'sustaining emotion' without which he cannot do the ability. He called this state 'enlivened relaxation'. A state in which he feels vibrant, alive, vital yet very relaxed. He is focused on being in the moment and on the others in the class, rather than being 'self' conscious. In fact this state is similar to the underlying state in a study that I did on high performing aerospace engineers - they had a sense of challenge, the rush of adrenaline and feeling energised, coupled with a sense of relaxed awareness.

Physiologically, this state brings numerous benefits in high performance situations. The sympathetic (active) and parasympathetic (passive) nervous systems are in balance. So our heart rate is coherent , our brain waves are predominantly alpha (creative, clear thinking state) and our breathing is smooth and rhythmic. We have abundant energy that is optimised and conserved by the system and we are in peak performance (or flow) state.


Well known by sports people, creatives and performers, the balance of activity and passivity that is achieved in this state ensures that mind and body are in union and 'interference' is minimal. The Refocuser blog has a great article on flow state. According to Refocuser, Bruce Lee was an ardent believer in the flow state (he referred to it as wu-hsin, flow’s Cantonese counterpart) and stated, "The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action" (Tao of Jeet Kune Do, p7). He believed that "physical stoppage", or the opposite of wu-hsin, could create many problems for a martial artist, as it would almost always result in hesitation and self-doubt.

Here are some tips for getting to the peak state:

1. Release the breath. Free your diaphragm by breathing deep, smooth even breaths in and out, extending your lungs. Inhalation is tension and exhalation is freedom, the body and mind let go. On each exhale the mind becomes quieter, and the work can begin.




2. Focus on relaxing. This applies particularly to the areas of the body where we clench, stiffen and resist. By relaxing the body, we relax the brain. Relax your jaw, notice how this helps to relax your neck. Feel the face relax and space being created around the temples. Let your tongue release from its position pinned against the roof of the mouth, and lie in the lower palet. Feel your brain relax!




3. Notice your eyes. Tenseness of the eyes affects the brain. We are usually left brain driven, the logical, controlling brain is always trying to do, achieve, stay busy. Our eyes become narrow, screwed and our brow furrows in this 'trying' and striving. Relax your eye muscles and let your eyes become wide and open; soft and almost sinking back into your skull. Use your foveal vision rather than the focused lens-like vision - so that your awareness is wide angled. Be spreading our occular awareness from the back of your temples the back brain is more active. This is the synthesising, holistic brain (rather than the analytical and mechanical brain) - and when you take action with this part of the brain active it is luminous, filled with sensitivity and electric energy.

This is 'effortless effort' where lightness , wide open awareness and peak state prevails.

Related posts:

1. Extend to Freedom


2. Tapping into your Body Intelligence

Extend to freedom

Through asana (posture & movement with breath) we develop sensitivity of body awareness; training the body to develop and extend its consciousness and allow the mind to drop into this expandedness.

Simple movement to begin; mountain standing posture and raising & lowering the arms with the in and out breath . Movement originates in the core (hara) and extends to the periphery.

A core sequence of postures develop emotional and physical core stability:
- down dog
- standing forward bend
- warrior I
- tree
- seated forward bend

Working up through these, with guidance from a trained teacher, until we can hold them for 3-5 mins. Thus through the body, we strengthen the ego.

Each movement sequence into and out of the posture is an art. Moving mindfully; teasing fascia, encouraging muscles, tendons and bone, we extend into the body. And the breath expands into every nerve and cell in the body .

We feel the extension into the limits of our skin and feel the brain of the skin connect to the brain of the gut (enteric nervous system ) . The body brain sing to the Cranial brain a sweet, sweet harmony. Our nerves tingling and alive with energy; energy flowing freely.

By extending ourselves physically and emotionally in these postures, we open our nerves and brain pathways to new ways of being. Extension is freedom; and in this freedom we can deeply release and relax.

Tapping into your body intelligence

We live busy, stressed lives which means many of us are living in alienation and fragmentation with ourselves and others.

Embodied living is about bringing all levels of ourself into alignment and harmony (we are like an onion, with many layers or sheaths) with one another; bringing us to integration and wholeness. Freedom is the ultimate goal, a blissful worry-free existence of integration and balance.

To begin we must repair the schizm between the physical body and the mind. Many people use their bodies so little, or with such lack of awareness, that they lose sensitivity of bodily awareness. However consciousness itself originates in our bodies and without this awareness we are only using a tiny atom of vast intelligence and sensitivity available to us.

In Embodied Living we initially work through the body to change the mind. First, stress must be overcome and resilience built. When we are thus energised yet relaxed we are ready for the exploration.

Then, by bringing the sensitivity of the body and the intelligence of the brain and the heart into harmony we begin to tap into a fuller consciousness.

The cranial brain becomes more receptive, our consciousness evolves and we reach our soul. The higher levels of Embodied Living open us up to deep bliss, wholeness and connection with ourselves and the world. But the foundations are built in the physical body.

By extending our physical body we expand our mind. This helps us develop a sensitivity and receptivity toward life which we are yet only dimly aware.

The Importance of Ego

In Embodied Living, like many self transcendence programmes, we are ultimately aiming for egolessness. However, and here is the paradox; egolessness simply cannot be achieved without a healthy and well-developed ego in the first place. In black and white terms, I guess there is 'good' ego and 'bad' ego.

Bad ego is embodied in that egotistical person that we all know who is so sure of him/herself, arrogant (even if this is 'couched' in a seemingly high sense of admiring others) to a point of simply not being able to recognise when he is in the wrong. I guess we all know one person like this. The twist here is that, quite often, these people actually have self-esteem issues, and the 'big' ego is hiding this.

Weak ego is often present when people show the following:

1. over idolising someone else


2. over protective of oneself - fearful of making mistakes, or of being vulnerable. This manifests in someone who is quick to criticise or cut others down, or often makes judgements of others


3. being attached to being of service - martyring oneself to others/ a cause in order to have a sense of self (ie the wife slavishly serving a family to the detriment of her own health and wellbeing)

'Good' ego has a stamp of humility, service to others, magnanimous behaviour. The person who appreciates themselves or others, despite recognising failings and weaknesses.

In Embodied Living we can develop ego through working with the body and the centres of intelligence in the energy centres and the enteric nervous system, the heart and the brain, thereby integrating the nervous system. The stronger the core ego, the greater ability we have to live fully and deeply in the world, without it buffeting and throwing us about like we are in a storm.

Related to ego are two terms that often get confused. Self-confidence and self-esteem. People can be very self-confident, yet lack self-esteem. Quite often the former is used to make up for the latter. Self-confidence comes from experience and having the skills and successes behind you to do the job. If you practice public speaking and build up a bank of positive experiences, you will be confident.

However, self-esteem is something deeper. It is a sense of valuing yourself for just being alive, feeling worthy and accepting yourself unconditionally. This comes from our childhood. And we can develop it later, if we missed out earlier on in our lives.

Let go and improve your relationships

Have you ever found that what you most want often comes to you just at the point when you let of wanting it so much?

Think about the time you forgot someone's name or when you misplaced your car keys. Last weekend I was attending a course and the trainer wanted to know the name of a wonderful man I had studied with recently. 'Phillip .......' I replied and could not recall his all important surname. The harder I tried, the more I knew it would not come. So I gave myself permission to let go of trying to remember. As soon as I truly let go, lo and behold, his name popped straight into my head!

A recent article in Scientific American's Mind magazine posits that relinquishing power over oneself appears to thwart overthinking and “liberate” people for more authentic relationships. We admire people who show determination and have the will power to succeed at what they do. We look up to those who have the self discipline to get up early to run 2 miles, or avoid eating chocolate or drinking too much wine. Self control is cherished and applauded and we try to install such things in our children. Too much self control and will power has a downside and relinquishing personal power can be a tonic for our times.

The article highlights some research that shows when we have less power over self control we are less inhibited, more candid and more authentic. Which works wonders in our relationships with our selves and others.

Read Try a Little Powerlessness .

What do you need to let go of?

In embodied living we are moving to a new connection with ourselves and the world. And to make a new connection with something there is often a need to let go of something else. This sense of letting go can be an important and profound part of self development.

On a day to day level think about the batchelor come newly-wed. He has to let go of the drinking nights down the bar with his mates, if he is to make a success of his new marital state. The runner training for a marathon needs to let go of Friday night partying if she is to train successfully every Saturday. By doing this she is committing to a new relationship with the running.

If you want to create a new connection or a new relationship then, you may need to think about what it is that you need to let go of. Sometimes that letting go is difficult. I am finding this at the moment. In moving to a new relationship with embodied living, I need to let go of (or losen my grip on) another key aspect of my life. And this letting go is painful, is challenging; but I know for sure that means that it is all the more worthwhile.

Once I have moved through letting go; I can move towards the new relationship. And the most beautiful thing about this is that relationship, that connection with the new, will change me. When we are in relationship with something meaningful, that we are committed to, it works on us. Rather like the astral bodies, the 'gravitas' of this 'other' influences us and changes our stellar orbit, transforms our being.

Keep listening at this blog for news about the new Embodied Living website.

Be less attached to things and be happier

Do you subscribe to the view that we live in a time of profound social pessimism? Do you find yourself with a positive view about yours and your family's prospects, yet find yourself being negative and pessimistic about other people (believe them to be unkind, untrustworthy)? The Joseph Rowntree Foundation has uncovered these themes in its new 'Social Evils' report. The crux of this thesis is that we live in a time of profound social pessimism and social unease. Despite the fact that we are wealthier, healthier and have more of what we want than ever before in human history (yes even despite the blip of the recession), a dark seam that has been exposed by this latest research is undeniably there.

Rampant individualism, social inequalities (high profile overpaid bankers and rip off politicians!) and a erosion of values are clear indicators. Matthew Taylor writes a compelling debate in his Reflections on Social Evils and Human Nature, part of the Rowntree Foundation work. It is the very affluence that we are bathed in that cause us to bypass cultural safeguards and commitment devices. Affluence and our culture of 'instant gratification' breeds impatience and makes us flout social norms, higher values and institutions that encourage a more long term view of society.

But, as the spiral down into anxiety and credit crunch are starting to make us realise, it is impossible for us to thrive without a deeper sense of values and purpose to our collective lives. 'Affluence breeds impatience and impatience undermines wellbeing'. Remember, our brains have developed over 400,000 years and have served us fine for the majority of our existence; 99% of our lives have been consumed by scraping by to find food and shelter to get by and survive. We hunted, we were hunted, we struggled, we died young. In the scheme of things, it is the last few seconds of our existence where we find ourselves 'never having it so good'. Yet our poor brains remain hardwired for short-termism.

So no wonder then, that we get attached to our wealth. That we succumb to selfishness and self indulgence. And then get indigestion! But really it is our ways of thinking that are failing us. We get attached to our comforts, to our jobs, to our incomes, to sex or exercise, to our materialistic rewards and believe that it is these that bring us happiness. And it is this attachment that cause us problems.

If we want to transition from anxiety, unease, and lack of wellbeing, we need to look to higher goals and values and move towards self-actualisation. And the foundation for this is to start to work on our attachments. If we are overly attached the new car we just bought, we get all stirred up when the little boy down the road, who is severly disabled, accidently runs his bike into it scratching the shiny new paint.

We have two choices here: if we are 'attached' to our new car, overly identified with it, we get annoyed, perhaps shout at his parents, and start to watch every minute they are out in the street. This wastes emotional energy and and sets us on a spiral of negativity. However, if we are detached from this object, we are filled with compassion for the little boy and the scratch is of no importance whatsoever. We experience the car as an object to get us from one place to another; rather than a status object that serves to boost our ego and make us feel good about ourselves.

Hence through practicising non-attachment or non-reacting, we are increasingly liberated from the pointless energy-wasting activities of the ego and become filled with increasingly deeper contentment and equanimity. In a sense, this is a move from doing to being.

Meditation helps us to move from doing to being, it helps with softening of the mind. By relaxing the psychosomatic grip on the moment, it allows events to be just as they are. Success is proportionate to one’s willingness to let each new impulse to control or improve simply appear, bloom, and fade.

We then begin to realize how much of our emotional and mental energy has been engaged in end goals of stimulation and gratification, and how attaining them never produces anything like a lasting happiness. This perceptual re-education,called vairagya, or “non-reacting,” involves entrusting oneself to one new experience after another. As each fresh anxiety, agitation or 'reaction' is recognized and permitted to settle, one unexpectedly notices that familiar triggers of disturbance no longer have any effect.A profound equanimity has quietly developed.

Get content now!

Today's 'Times' has an article that talks about the 'sense of contentment' that we now so often lack and how this contributes to a broken and downhearted society. Contentment, or santosha in yoga terms, is a precious state of being. Try recalling a time when you felt a deep sense of gratitude or appreciation or care for someone or something.

This could be something as simple as a walk along the river, like the one I took with my husband last weekend. We saw this beautiful swan with her goslings enjoying themselves in the sun. For a few precious moments, she let me be. She let me intrude on their moment and take the photo you see here. She could have easily attacked me, as in her eyes I was behaving in quite a threatening way (poking my camera at her beautiful offspring), yet she allowed me to be there. I was filled with appreciation for her, her chicks, for the time I had in that moment with my husband.

Take yourself back to your 'moment in time' now and notice how easy it is to feel content (in fact try not to feel content!). And when you are back there now feeling that sense of appreciate and gratitude, notice how your breathing is and notice how full your heart feels. If we truly want it, we can have santosha (contentment) whenever and wherever we want. Perhaps we should try not to look so hard!

Surviving and thriving

I was at a girlie gathering at a friend's house last night with some delightful people. Middle class, ages ranging from 30s to 60s and most of my conversations somehow ended up turning to the stresses and strains of coping with life.

Thyroid problems, back problems, coping with change, coping with 'the change',working 12 hour days, headaches; for some reason last night people were drawn to telling me about their lives, and I saw beneath the smiles.

My heart reached out to touch these lovely ladies, to give them something back to make their living easier, healthier, more fulfilled. So we talked about yoga and how it helps keep the spine healthy, so often key to a healthy body. We talked about the breath and its direct link to the mind and its potential for positive effect on health and physiology. And we talked about emotional resilience.

It seems resilience is a much needed skill. It can be taught and people can benefit tremendously. Here are the components of resilience that I found in a modeling study I did a couple of years ago:

- emotional regulation ; resilient people have the skills to control their emotions, attention and behaviour. Eg stay calm under pressure

- control of impulses; they have strong personal discipline and a healthy sesnse of ego. Eg they don't blurt out inappropriate responses or indulge in inappropriate behaviour

- positive inner attitude; they are realistic optimists with empowering beliefs

- problem solving; they have strong thinking strategies and are able to accurately analyse their problems and be flexible in their thinking. They can also read others accurately (empathy) and not 'project' and 'bulldoze' others' emotions or desires

- self empowered; they have an internal locus of control and see themselves as in control of their own destiny, believe they can solve the problems they are likely to experience and have faith in their ability to succeed

- social skills; resilient people build a support network and reach out to others to help them in adversity

These elements form the basis of my one to one and the BEST programme of psychological resilience I have developed: building resilience; embodied living; synchronisation of the 'brains' of the body; and transcendence or self actualisation. Yoga is a huge part of this programme; simple postures linked with the breath, breathing, mindfulness and simple meditation, and relaxation.

Note to self

Here's a link that poetically elaborates on my previous post: personaltransformation.com

It's all about energy

I recently came across a blog that I contributed to about creativity and libido or sexual energy. And I thought it was time to revisit my thoughts on this subject mainly because I feel that in the past I have seen sexual energy as something very precious. I have always said to myself that sex is a spiritual thing. But something has changed, in me that is.

I think that sometimes, I used spirituality as an excuse for a good appetite for sex and high doses of sexual energy. But now I feel like the schoolgirl moving to university and realising that there is a lot she doesn't know. I have a sense, a feeling that to think of sexual energy as a spiritual thing denotes a level of unconscious incompetence. Now I do believe that a truly spiritual person channels this wonderful and powerful sexual energy into higher social and spiritual goals. Of course, not to say that sex is not part of a spiritual 'pilgrims' life, but in a way akin to 'bramacharya' or moderation, that it becomes less dominating and perhaps more sublimated.

There is a very interesting dialogue between Deborah Anapol, Ph.d and Taber Shadburne, MA on this topic: 'Love without Limits'. Sex, like meditation, is a trance state, an altered state of consciousness; and as such I believe it plays a significant part in spirituality, but only if there is freedom from ego and attachment or vairagya (non reaction) so that we don't get attached to sex for bodily pleasure only. And therefore get stuck in the sensory based world and the false sense of self and consciousness. I guess this is why most religions and a good proportion of spiritual traditions have had an uncomfortable relationship with sex. And also perhaps this is why, the indian notion of bramacharya often gets translated as celibacy (aka Ghandi). But actually it means moderation or not getting overly 'into' something (and not just sex either).

Perhaps tantra came about as a backlash to this repression of sexuality in spiritual traditions? But if you consider other spiritual modalities such as chakras or even Grave's spiral dynamics I find more evidence to back up my feeling that people who are overly concerned with the sexual have their spiritual energy somehow stuck. See the following excerpt from the interview above:

"I'm thinking that if I had tried to do 10-day Zen retreat ten years ago, I would have just been sitting there staring at the wall and struggling with my sexual desire. Has that happened for you or people you talk to? I meant I would be overwhelmed by pure sexual energy. Of course this might have something to do with the fact that in the past most of the time that I would go into a deep meditative state, I would have some kind of psychedelic in my body, so that may have exaggerated the energy and sexual direction of my experience. ..... and having kundalini going up my spine, having kriyas, and probably wanting to release it in some way and not being able to get there through pure meditation."

Sure we have all been there, but we progress and the energy evolves and moves through the body into higher levels and thence into higher levels of consciousness. There are reasons we can get stuck here though!

Freud is the psychoanalyst most oft quoted on sexuality (repressions, id, superego all abound!). Yet Jung seemed to have a more evolved notion of this (in my humble and not particularly well-informed opinion). The relationship between sexuality, spirituality and the libido lay at the heart of Jung’s theoretical differences with Freud. In 'Psychology of the unconscious', Jung sought a broader definition of libido as psychic rather than just sexual energy.

Jung’s core process of individuation leads us towards a unity with the Self, but only after experiencing and finally transcending the 'opposites' of masculine/feminine and sexuality/spirituality. And I feel, that once you get to taste this 'transcendence' the whole language and experience of sex and spirituality changes so dramatically.

The inverse of happiness

We all want to be happy. I certainly want to be happy, content ; it's the most important goal in my life. Yet how often do we pin down this concept of 'happiness'? It is a nominalisation which we need to define and name in our own terms. When we do this we might just find that it is closer than we think. And we might find that it costs very little. Most often, and not wanting to come across as a cliché , happiness is found in simple pleasures.

Here's a few steps to get you started:

1. What is it, exactly, that want when you want 'happiness' ? .. Perhaps you want to be happy with what you have got?

2. What is the experience of being happy for you? Think of the sensory experience - see, hear and feel etc. Connect to this experience of happiness and remember this.

3. In what context - where, when etc - do you want to be happy? If its 'all the time' - ask yourself how realistic is that?

4. Will being happy satisfy all parts of you, all aspects of your life? Or will it compromise or conflict? Ie a wife & mother with a husband who is abusive or who has developed npd (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder) would not fare well with 'i want to be happy in my marriage '

5. Think about What makes you happy? Those internal (thoughts, attitudes, beliefs ...) and external (activities, other people ...) resources. TIP; spend some time on this.

6. Finally, what stops you or gets in the way of your happiness ? And how can you use those things in point 5) to overcome them?

Sanity in a world of overload

"When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality." Henry David Thoreaux

I read an article in The Times yesterday that posited we are in danger of overload, of blowing our circuits from infotainment overload in this digital age.

That our brains simply cannot, are not large enough, to cope with the torrent and go into a kind of stress response, reptilian brain mode is one thing. But that this neuronal saturation actually makes us less humane is stretching it.

Certainly, as my old 'friend' Thoreaux maintains, it may make us less wise. Nevertheless, they may have a point ; and one backed up by science. That the more complex emotions of compassion, indignation, social awareness require more processing power than eg. Fear and happen in the higher region of the brain, the frontal cortex. It is this region that the brain shuts down when it is 'stressed' by overload.

So much for EQ then? Well, my brain feels close to bursting after 3 very stressful days, so what are my top tips for cooling down the system?

1. Breathe - regular, deep, rhythmic breathing creates space in the body and, soon, in the mind. It affects HRV too (heart waves) which help entrain the brain into a relaxed state of awareness. Do this regularly throughout the day.

2. Meditate - at least once a day for at least 5 mins. The effects, which Build up over time, are an amazing sense of peace and freedom and it increases brain capacity.

3. Yoga nidra - the most poerful form of 'altered consciousness' and deep relaxation on earth. 20 mins are equivalent to several hours of sleep. When I am feeling especially overloaded I do this each night.

Of course, there will be more ... Keep reading!

Reboot

My dreams were cathartic last night. I dreamt about flying in violent storms - in fact I was aware of flying and was in control and enjoying it in the of hurricane weather!

Then, at dawn, I had one of my favourite experiences. Again I hate to put it into words because words are inadequate and limiting. Its like I press the 'Fx' or 'esc' in the middle of booting up 'sue'. This time I extended that 'suspension of consciousness'.

In this state its like 'I' haven't been born yet. I don't have a sense of 'I'; I don't know where I am or what day it is. I am in a state of 'unknowing'. And I love it. It feels like the zen beginners mind, or closer to purusa with the conscious mind out the way so that the pure awareness is doing the seeing. I love being here. The place before all the old 'maps of mind' get installed.

Something in the Air

The last couple of days I have been feeling out of synch. Like there is an ill wind or the stars are somehow out of alignment ; well that's the only way I can describe this feeling in words.

Actually, I am a pretty contented person (santosha), generally satisfied with relatively little and simple pleasures in life; nevertheless life needs its little eddies and whirlpools. It's in these currents that we find our gifts.

Something is 'clearing me out
for some new delight.' as Rumi says. I posted that poem, feeling this force even then.

'The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.' Funny that Rumi's words have ingrained themselves into the substrate of my consciousness. I will open myself to 'my guide from beyond'.

The Reason for Today

I just read this in JW's book (see below), a quote from wonderful Joseph Campbell. Its deep truth made me cry:

"Do you ever have the sense of... When you are following your bliss .. Of being helped by hidden hands?"

Campbell: "All the time. It is miraculous.I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time — namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

Surprise>synchronicity

I am two thirds through reading Joe Jaworski's book 'Synchronicity; the inner path to leadership' and i've had a light bulb moment. The book has just started talking to me.

Raja yoga, my main spiritual path, like many spiritual paths is a solitary one, it is an inward journey. The mind-body has a strong centrifugal force (especially for us extraverts!), yet practice turns and hones this into a centripetal one; everything focuses towards the centre.

Nevertheless, partly from belief and partly through direct experience, I feel that this journey to the centre of the self aligns and opens the body-mind energetic system. This moves the individual self to be one (perhaps in terms of energetic vibration/ entrainment) with a 'collective intelligence' (jungs collective unconscious comes to mind).

And this is what JW touches on in the 16th chapter. 'human beings have an innate capacity for collective intelligence. They can learn and think together, and this collaborative thought can lead to coordinated action. We are all connected and operate within living fields of thought and perception. ... Humans possess significant tacit knowledge - we know more than we can say. The question to be resolved: how to remove the blocks and tap into that knowledge to create the kind of future we all want.?'

Wow, JW just about tapped into my entire meta purpose there (see prev post)- no wonder I am buzzin. The blocks are clear; amongst them our limited realisation of self, our restricted (rather than open) maps of the world and our untapped energetic field (for you left brainers HRV, brain waves in delta rather than theta etc).

By moving to a state of energetic and physiological coherence we open ourselves to dialogue with the universe.

JW quotes the wonderful physicist, David Bohr when he compares this 'dialogue' to superconductivity. 'in superconductivity electrons cooled to a very low temperature act more like a coherent whole than as separate parts.' (note to self; read more DB philosophical stuff!).

Whilst this opening, this collective dialogue, starts with the individual, it is, after all, about energy, so undoubtedly someone(s) 'vibrating' at an influential frequency can influence the energy of the system.

Hmmm... I hope this doesn't sound too much like a Star Trek script (!) ... I feel this truth very deeply, but putting it into words falls short; as JW says 'we know more than we can say'.

A rumi poem sums it up

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

 
~ Rumi ~
 

Commitment

A meta purpose is a meta commitment to our true path. Our 'tao'. It is a commitment to our calling or our higher purpose (isvara pranayadama).

In order to reliably commit ourselves to something in the first place, we need to understand what our true values are; what it is that is important to us in life.

A meta purpose is a vow we make with our true self (our soul, if you like). And once we have found ourself on this path of transformation, our other commitments in life won't feel exactly right unless we have clarity about our meta purpose. Unless we are authentically living true to our calling, we will feel there is something missing.

For me this means a deeply 'ordinary' life. I can get on with the busy-ness of running my own business - driven by my values of to connect, to communicate, to serve and to be challenged. Yet at the same time, the most important thing in my life - my commitment to 'raja yoga' and self transcedence is honoured through my daily practice of the eight limbs.

Meta Purpose

What makes us do what we do? What makes the difference between those people who can make a plan to change their lives and achieve it and those who fail to follow through? Quite often the things that get in our way are linked to our values and purpose in life. Values are those deeply held beliefs that drive and influence our action. But purpose is of a higher order. And meta purpose is our life purpose.

My meta purpose is : 'to connect, communicate and be of service to myself and others with the ultimate aim of achieving self transcedence for the benefit of all'.

Blimey, now I've written that down it sounds Very lofty! Perhaps I should change it.

Living in the Moment

What does it take to live authentically, with vivacity and playfulness whilst remaining content and peaceful in the midst of busy-ness? We all live busy lives; but busy doesn't have to mean stressed. We can be fulfilled and content in the midst of our lives. This is my mission!